i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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