You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
