His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize