Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
