Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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