my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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