i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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