I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
