we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't turn off my feet"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
