Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
