i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
