"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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