so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
