Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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