Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
