Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
