my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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