just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
