My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
