did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
