her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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