hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
