I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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