I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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