im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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