my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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