Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
