Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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