Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
