he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she peed on how many people?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize