I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
