wat bout pragnant strippers??
there was a trapeze. enough said
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
