my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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