I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
