did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
