I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
