Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
