Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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