are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
