remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
