its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
