last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
