His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
