conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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