awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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