I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hippo gnu deer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
