i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
