but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
