vagina is talking i cant
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
