I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
