This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
