well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
