Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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