You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
