Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
