Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
