Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
