burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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