For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
