I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
