The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
