My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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