I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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