can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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