I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
