i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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