remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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