but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
