Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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