Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
