I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
