hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
