I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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