I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
