I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize