you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
