I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
