Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I stole a fireplace last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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