During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
