ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
