ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
