Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its liver damage thursday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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